Infertility

Divine Mother Eva { Motherhood Photo+Interviews } Surprise

Divine-Mothering Photo+Interviews

{ Divine Mothers of August Session 2 }

{ Eva }

Surprise

I am a mother. I have been for 10 years. I have a step son and he grew in my heart, not my belly. We didn’t think we could have children and we were OK with that. I’m in my 30’s and my husband is about ready to retire and… Surprise! You’re pregnant. I cried first actually. I cried and I was upset. My husband came home and he found me in the bath tub. He asked what was wrong and I told him “I’m pregnant!?!”

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And then I thought, you know, so many things could go wrong. I got nervous. Maybe it’s not going to happen. But everything has been good. I feel very fortunate. I haven’t had morning sickness or anything like that. But now I’m 30 weeks pregnant and everything is becoming a pain in the butt. Everything hurts, but I have a feeling it’s all going to hurt a lot more soon.

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I had gone to two doctors. We have been married for 13 years and for about 8 of that we tried to have children. After 2 years we went the first doctor. That doctor said I have PCOS, but I went to get a second opinion. I don’t feel like I fit the profile for PCOS. People tend to be heavier and hairier. I do have a cyst though… So we went to the second doctor and he agreed. “No, you don’t have PCOS, but something is wrong with you.” And he recommended that I try in vitro. And… I was not digging the whole hormone shots, the process of disappointment… I have a beautiful step son and a pug.

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And they were right. Nothing happened for another 2 years. Then I had a miscarriage. But it was… The development only went up to 6 weeks. So I don’t really consider that a loss. I just saw it as affirmation that my body can’t hold a pregnancy.

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I have a big cyst right here [ lower abdomen ], it’s the size of a chicken egg, but it doesn’t seem to be interfering with the pregnancy… And that’s that!

Eva, thank you so much for participating in this project and sharing part of your story with us. Your words deeply touched me, your strength and self acceptance is amazing. I wish you a beautiful healthy pregnancy, birth, and child. You’re amazing.

Repeat after me,

I am an amazing woman.

I am beautiful.

I am strong.

The light within me is divine.

Eva participated in Divine-Mothering Photo+Interviews of August Session 2, check out this blog post for more images of that session.

If you are interested in this series please consider subscribing to our blog and following our FB page.

The images from this photography project are now being transformed into Children’s Books. Please visit the Books section for more information.

If you are interested in participating in this project, please check out the Divine Mothering Community on FB and click Events.

Photography by Liliana Beatriz Fotografia

Eva is also an incredibly talented photographer, please check out her work here.

The Divine Mothering Series is already making waves on the internet. Check out some articles written about DM in our PRESS section.

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Divine Mother Anna { Motherhood Photo+Interviews } Worth the Wait

Divine-Mothering Photo+Interviews

{ Divine Mothers of June Session 2 }

{ Anna }

Worth the Wait

It was difficult to keep my composure during Anna’s interview. The love and joy, still so very fresh, was overpowering.

“It’s been kind of rough. It took us 3 years to get pregnant.”

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“We were working with the OBGYN. At first we worked with my hormone levels, then they told me I had to loose weight.

I knew I couldn’t do it on my own so I decided to get Gastric Bypass Surgery.

That’s what these scars are from.”

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“She’s the only reason I did it, I was happy with myself, but going into surgery I was told I couldn’t get pregnant for 18 months post opp.

I was 8 months after the surgery, I had almost lost 100lbs, and I was switching from one birth control to another and… we made her!”

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“I was excited but also scared. I thought, what if my body couldn’t provide… I kept waiting for something to happen. Even recovering from the surgery, I knew a lot of people had trouble, but nothing. Everything was perfect, the pregnancy was perfect. Nothing was wrong.

I had a homebirth, and everyone I loved was there. Her birth was the happiest day of my life. It really was perfect.

Giving birth was amazing. Every emotion is running though your body. One second you’re pushing, the next your baby is here.”

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After our session, Anna shared her homebirth video made by Tiffany Hudson Films and let’s just say you might need a handkerchief if you’re watching.

Purely amazing!

Anna, thank you so much for participating and for sharing yourself with us. What a beautiful journey you are living. Congratulations on your healthy pregnancy, amazing birth, and beautiful daughter. What a privilege worth the wait.

Anna, you are amazing.

You are beautiful.

You are truly divine.

Anna participated in Divine-Mothering Photo+Interviews of June Session 2, check out this blog post for more images of that session.

If you are interested in participating in this project, please check out the Divine Mothering Community on FB and click Events.

Photography by Liliana Beatriz Fotografia

Video by Tiffany Hudson Films

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Divine Mother Eva-Maria { Motherhood Photo+Interviews } Self Love, Infertility & a Journey through IVF

 

Divine-Mothering Photo+Interviews

{ Divine Mothers of June Session 1 }

{ Eva-Maria }

Self Love, Infertility & a Journey through IVF

I started each session with one question. And that was “Why did you decide to come out today?” I wanted to hear about what was motivating women to take off their clothes and pose knowing there would be no retouching, glamour posing, or special hair and make up. I wanted to know, why women, mothers in particular, were so determined to share themselves with the world.

Eva-Maria responded with “I have been struggling with myself, and I finally came to the conclusion that I should cut myself some slack.”

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She continues “People tell me all the time how quickly I have recovered, or how slender I look so soon after having a baby. But the truth is, these people don’t know how frustrating it feels, when none of the clothes I own fit anymore, when my hips all of a sudden feel as wide as the channel of England, or how devastating it is when you loose tons of hair everyday due to hormone changes. After 40 weeks of beautiful skin and a wonderful birth my skin decided to tear about a week postpartum, leaving tiny little stretch marks – I can’t say I was prepared for that at all, I had already considered myself lucky to get away without stretch marks.”

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Eva-Maria also opened up about her struggles with infertility and her journey through IVF in an email after the session.

“Nothing will eat away on your soul like the unfulfilled wish for a child.

There were several occasions were I just wanted to stay at home and feel sorry for myself, instead of surrounding myself with my friends that were pregnant, or had babies. But I FORCED myself to go out there and feel happy for them. I did not want to become that person that start wishing ill for others, just because I cant have what they have. Even though, I understand that feeling, the logic in me finds that behavior quite childish and mean. So I chose happy thoughts for others and to surround myself with good energies.

The IVF cycle itself is painful. 3 needles every night for weeks and weeks, hormone roller coaster rides, stomach cramps, headaches, nausea, growing about 20 golfball sized follicles in me and then having them removed under full anesthesia. But multiply all the physical pains to get a good picture of the anxiety of the outcome, the 2 week wait, the hoping, the preparing for all options – a crazy time! It can break you, or it can make you very strong – yourself and your relationship.

I kept my sanity with the preparing of fresh organic vegan foods, yoga and being around people I love. Or even an occasional glass of wine. I believe, that only if mind and body are working together, there is a chance of an embryo nesting inside of you.”

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I loved that she even shared some advice for those who have friends and loved ones going through infertility.

Sentences to avoid when talking to an infertile couple:
“It will all work out” – Aha, how do you know?
“Life can be so fulfilled without children” – True. But learning to accept and move on is a yearlong, if not lifelong, challenge.
“IVF? So soon? Don’t you feel you are messing with God’s plan?” – No.

Best thing to say to an infertile couple:
“I don’t know what to say. This is just a real shit situation.”

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It was a true pleasure to meet Eva-Maria and her daughter and learn about her journey into motherhood. Even more wonderful to know that she was able to conceive the child she had been dreaming of, I know for many this is not the case. Eva-Maria is also proud and grateful to have experienced a safe, natural, and relaxed home birthing experience. Something that I know to be a privilege to experience.

Eva-Maria, you are so stunningly beautiful and your child is gorgeous, what a blessing it is to see you both together and smiling and filled with warm loving light. Thank you for joining me on this journey of discovering self love and appreciation for the temple that is our female form.

You are amazing.

You are beautiful.

You are truly divine.

Eva-Maria participated in Divine-Mothering Photo+Interviews of June Session 1, check out this blog post for more images of that session.

If you are interested in participating in this project, please check out the Divine Mothering Community on FB and click Events.

Photography by Liliana Beatriz Fotografia

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